There is a saying that being angry at someone, to the point of losing decent perspective and only wanting revenge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die from it. That of course is not going to happen. It is better to turn that person over to God. Vengeance is his says the Lord.

This is one of the toughest things that we Christians have to deal with. We don’t have some special switch in our hearts or minds that we can just click and turn off the hurt we feel when someone has wronged us. That someone can be a family member, someone who we thought was a friend or neighbor, a boss, or a stranger. Any of those can cause or bring trouble to us. I could give you plenty of examples of wounds and scars left in our lives by things done by others.

When my good friend, who also was my best salesman, and soon-to-be business partner was murdered one night, at first I was extremely hurt and then very angry at the person who killed him. Wanting revenge is normally a waste of time and energy, and very unhealthy for one's spirit and soul. Its poison. But for me at the time being angry and vengeful had no basis in reality either. The murderer killed himself. Why wish revenge on someone already dead? Did I wish he was burning in Hell? I may have, but I hope not. Still, that act turned my life and my young family’s lives upside down and inside out. It's been over thirty years and I still have a scar from that day. It is very faint and only I can see it but it is still there.

Not long after my friend was killed which ultimately caused me to sell out, I lost my management position in the company, which bought my business. A friend who I had hired to work there, went behind my back with a bunch of lies and convinced the owners of something they didn’t like and as a result, I was demoted and he took my place. That one was tough. I wanted that guy to disappear. I hated him for a short while. I wanted to march into the office that used to be mine and verbally take his head off. I drank a bottle of poison, and it almost killed me. What did I end up doing? I resigned. I left the company. I knew that fighting him was going to be a losing battle so I took a job that I was offered, one that came out of the blue so to speak. I put this so-called friend of mine into the Lord’s hands and let vengeance belong to him. I had to do something very hard, I had to forgive him. I didn’t have to tell him that, I just had to do it.

Not long after I left the division of the company that I managed, it folded. Then the hundred-year-old company had its retirement fund stolen by an employee, and as a result, the company was sold. The man who cost me my job, years later he went to work for a bank where an angry customer showed up one day with a gun and shot him dead. Why did those things happen? I don’t know the answer to that one. I just know that they did and by the time they happened I was back in business for myself where I remained for the next twenty-four years. I believe if I had held on to a grudge, it would have made me impervious to the Lord's love and guidance and his leading me on to somewhere better.

It wasn’t easy to forgive or forget. I thought I had done both and then one day I was tested. I was installing a large phone system in a building when this man showed up giving a tour of the facility. He saw me and then told the folks I used to work for him, that he put me in business, taught me what I know. That of course was not true. I felt something cold start to rise up in me, but only for a second or two. I just said hello as they walked by, raised my eyes to heaven, and shook it off.

The apostle Paul in Romans 12:20 quoted this from the book of Proverbs: Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirsts, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

The above is not literal. Setting the hair of the person, who has wronged us, on fire, sounds like something we might have wanted to do at one point, but that is not what it means. In eastern culture, people carry things on their heads, back then and now. It could be a basket of fruit, or jar of water, a bundle of firewood, things like that. Those words meant providing something they needed, clothes, food, shelter. God tells us to give to the ones who mistreated us. That is just the opposite of what an angry, unforgiving person would like to do if you know what I mean.

God tells us to bless that person.

Wow. Jesus sure puts a twist on things. He tells us that our relationship with him hinges on our relationship with others, even those who have wronged us.

Proverbs 25

18 Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow
    is one who gives false testimony against a neighbor.
19 Like a broken tooth or a lame foot
    is reliance on the unfaithful in a time of trouble.
20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day,
    or like vinegar poured on a wound,
    is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.

21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
    if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
22 In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
    and the Lord will reward you.

23 Like a north wind that brings unexpected rain
    is a sly tongue—which provokes a horrified look.

24 Better to live on a corner of the roof
    than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

25 Like cold water to a weary soul
    is good news from a distant land.
26 Like a muddied spring or a polluted well
    are the righteous who give way to the wicked.

27 It is not good to eat too much honey,
    nor is it honorable to search out matters that are too deep.

28 Like a city whose walls are broken through
    is a person who lacks self-control.